After reading an article about slow Internet access afflicting his high school that a friend's son wrote for his school paper, I realized that the ancients knew nothing about pain and suffering.

Sartre, who was not ancient, merely dead, thought Hell was other people. 

He was wrong.

Hell is slow Internet access, over-sharing and TMI, reality TV, spammers, hypocrisy, and people who think they're cool because they're early adopters of technology.

Check out my article, Inferno Reboot to get a sense of what Hell is really like.

Taxes, like death, may be inevitable and not funny, but I decided to give it a try. "Clickbait for Accountants," which appears on the Higgs Weldon comedy/humor site, looks at articles that might appeal to accountants.

If you are my accountant or anyone from the IRS, i hope you enjoy the piece for what it is. Short, cute and not worth getting upset about. It was intended to lighten the mood during your busy season. No disrespect intended.

Really, it's more a poke at clickbait headlines than anything else.

Thanks for keeping your sense of humor.

It's been a tough time, truth-wise, for Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly. After writing a piece about Brian Williams for Hot Hot Phone, I dashed off one about Bill O'Reilly for The Spoof

Because O'Reilly is seen as a pundit, he's being held to a lower standard of accuracy -- even though the questions being raised about where and when O'Reilly was during the Falklands war and during unrest in El Salvador were when he was a reporter.

Ah well.

If I had a favorite of the two, I prefer the Brian Williams piece ("Brian Wiliams’ Other Apologies") but there are parts of "Bill O'Reilly Fights Back" that I like a lot. Or to paraphrase Wayne and Garth at the end of "Wayne's Wolrd": 

WAYNE: "Well, that's all the time we have for this blog post. We hope you found the O'Reillygate piece entertaining, whimsical yet relevant, with a revisionist conceit that belied the article's emotional attachment to the subject matter."
GARTH: "I just hope you didn't think it sucked." 

I wasn't necessarily looking to pile onto Brian Williams. 

But as I was taking care of some errands and updating my wife on my progress, I wondered, "What other things might Brian have, um, embellished?"  (Which is not to say I was embellishing on my progress towards completing my errands.)

I didn't think Williams would lie about doing the laundry or cleaning up after dinner or changing the light bulbs or picking up some things from the supermarket or bringing in some fire wood. After all, with an annual salary in excess of $10 million, I assume Williams has someone else to take care of those things.  

So I came up with some other stories Williams might have to retract.

The result is an article that at least one publication deemed as not appropriate "because we have a two-month lead time so we don't publish topical humor." Luckily, HotHotPhone does.

My article is available here. Interestingly, because HotHotPhone publishes on Tumblr, my article has quickly re-appeared here, here, here, here, and possibly other places as well. All have my byline and link back to HotHotPhone. But I'm now wondering how do I aggregate Likes (which Tumblr allows) and reblogs (as Tumblr allows). 

My heart goes out to the wounded and to the families and friends of those who were killed today.

My latest article to hit the Internet is about an old topic: King Richard III. Called "Fit for a King," the article takes a look at newly released research findings about the king, and the fact that the historians seemed to have overlooked the sort of questions that interest the rest of us.

For example,  "the findings indicated that Richard III wasn't a hunchback, as Shakespeare depicted him, but suffered from scoliosis. That alone requires a reconsideration of Richard III (along with an updated, more PC-version of Victor Hugo's 'The Scoliosis Patient of Notre-Dame')."


Other questions include: 

• What was Richard III's favorite cuisine? Medieval Leicester probably did not offer a range of cuisines - it would help if researchers found a 15th century equivalent of Yelp - but it's hard to imagine a time when England did not have great Indian food.
• Where did Richard III eat? If he dined out in the homes of friends, did Richard III bring a hostess gift? If he ate at a tavern, did he pick up the tab? Or did he try get out of it by asking: "Can you pay this time - I must have left my wallet in my other pantaloons"?
  
• Richard III killed many friends and family members on his path to the throne, he made a lot of enemies - so did anyone want to be seated next to the king or were they forced to? Were certain subjects - topics, not people - known to be off-limits? Like, "Don't mention snow or he'll talk your ear off about that 'winter of his discontent'"?
  

This is the first of two articles I've written about historic figures who lived in the 14th and 15th centuries. I know that's hardly topical humor but I'm sure my history teachers would appreciate these. (Perhaps not.) I'm still developing the second one in my attempt to be one of the best medieval-times humorists working today.

My latest article, "Lessons From This Year in Tech and Fashion," appears on Glossy News: ow.ly/GubFR. It is the second of three fashion-and-tech articles I wrote because the concept of fashion and tech seems ripe for humor.

The first, entitled "Five Tips to Help Techies Embrace Fashion," appears on The Higgs Weldon.

The last of the fashion-and-tech articles is scheduled to appear in January on Barnes & Noble's "Grin & Tonic" page.

I should point out this is not a linked trilogy and that JJ Abrams is not (yet) producing the next installment. 

“We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

-        Thomas Jefferson

“This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it.”

-        Abraham Lincoln

“We gain strength and courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face…we must do that which we think we cannot.”

-        Eleanor Roosevelt

“Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.”

-        John F. Kennedy

“Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulder of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we’ve ever known.”

-        Ronald Reagan

“Those haters out there, they don’t understand that it invigorates me, it wants me to get out there and defend the innocent. It makes me want to work so hard for justice in this country. So, hey the more they’re pouring on, the more I’m going to bug the crap out of them by being out there with a voice, with the message, hopefully running for office in the future, too.”

-        Sarah Palin

#  #  #

One of my children likes to tell me that I know nothing about fashion. But among techies, I may know a thing or too about fashion.

My latest article, appearing on a cool site called The Higgs Weldon, is called "Five Tips to Help Techies Embrace Fashion." My wife suggested framing things this way: "Think Ashton Kutcher, not Jon Cryer."

I have another two humorous articles about tech and fashion, and are now looking to find the right homes for them.

By the way, check out The Higgs Weldon,  a humor website founded by LA comics Robin Higgins and Paige Weldon in January of 2013. It features everything from columns to letters to cartoons to lists of things. Many of the Higgs Weldon’s writers are LA comics, but the site publishes writing and cartoons by anyone and everyone.